


Chemistry

by CaribouGirl



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 00:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8868307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaribouGirl/pseuds/CaribouGirl
Summary: The long, slow burn to Sanvers bliss- post episode 2.07.





	

**Author's Note:**

> As many of us were, I was expecting a long, slow burn for these two after episode 2.07. Episode 2.08 shot that right out of the water! This is just one idea on how that slow burn might have taken place. This is unbeta-ed, sorry for any mistakes. Also, I just recently found out about Supergirl and I don't know the backstory on all of it, so hopefully I didn't mess up any of that. This takes place before 2.08, so the alien bar hadn't been ravaged. I haven't written anything since Otalia, but these beautiful, amazing women inspired me.

**Chapter One**

 

Hope.  Maggie Sawyer had hope.  Alex Danvers had agreed to be her friend.  And if playing pool tomorrow night as friends was the first step in keeping Alex in her life, (at least in some way), that was good enough for now.  Truth be told, Maggie wanted to be so much more than friends with Alex.  She wanted it _all_.  She wanted her in every romantic, sweet, sexy-as-hell way.  She wanted to make love with her.  She wanted to make a _life_ with her.

 

And that scared the _living shit_ out of Maggie.

 

God… Alex… the woman so incredibly special.  But a romantic relationship between the two of them simply couldn’t work right now.  And even though it hurt them both when Maggie turned her down after The Kiss, she knew in the long run, it was the best thing to do to protect Alex.  She knew Alex’s crush on her would eventually fade when the newness of it all wore off.  And given Maggie’s apparent inability to sustain a healthy relationship, there was no way she was going to subject Alex to _that_ shit show.  Maggie had also just been brutally dumped and was in no place to jump right back into another relationship.  She had her own baggage to sort out. 

 

Then there was Alex’s precarious situation- she had literally just realized she was gay.  First relationships like that don’t work.  The bliss fog of being newly out fades away and one is left with the fact that all people are flawed and relationships are hard.  Heartbreak usually follows.  Maggie couldn’t bear the thought of breaking her heart.  She also couldn’t risk her own being irreparably shattered when their relationship would inevitably end.  It was too complicated right now.  It was all just so _stupidly_ impossible. 

 

So Maggie was going to force herself to do the right thing for both of them.  It would take all of her resolve to try to just be Alex’s friend.  But not having her in her life at all simply wasn’t an option.

 

========

 

Alex wasn’t entirely convinced that she could be just friends with Maggie.  She had agreed to try, but her head and her heart were both very unstable right now.  And frankly, she wondered how she even ended up in this place of utter bewilderment.  How the hell did she get here?  How did her life suddenly go from mundane and fairly happy, to a state of total confusion, to complete jubilation, and now to unbearable pain?  

 

This whole situation was total bullshit. 

 

At no point in her life had Alex been a romantic.  She wasn’t a woman who fantasized about meeting the perfect man and having the perfect life together.  It just wasn’t her thing.  She had more important stuff to worry about than romance and sex and falling in love.  On some level she supposed that she was a believer in “chemistry” and she simply hadn’t met the right guy.  There had never been any spark.  She had never met anyone that she just _clicked_ with.  Until Detective Maggie Fucking Sawyer.  With her charm and her toughness and her devastating sexiness and with those _goddamn dimples._ The woman had shown up in her life and left her completely unhinged.

 

She supposed Maggie was right about one thing- everything had been “shiny” now that she was out.  And hell if Maggie Sawyer didn’t shine with the light of 1,000 suns.  The woman was amazing.  She’d met the detective at a crime scene and the next thing Alex knew, she was gay, euphoric, and perpetually horny.  And suddenly staring at the other woman’s mouth was her new favorite pastime.  Well, that, and watching her confident swagger.  And finding ways to make her smile.  And being close enough to feel the heat coming off her body.  And… oh god _damn_ it!  This tiny woman had strutted into her life and now it’s all just ass up.  It really didn’t seem fair.

 

Meeting Maggie had finally made her realize what all the fuss was about… the longing, the love songs, the romantic movies, blah blah blah.  It all made sense now.  They clicked, there was a spark, there was _chemistry_!  She was _finally_ falling for someone.  She had felt hopeful and happy and downright giddy.  She felt like a goddamn cliché.

 

But now it all seemed like a cruel joke.  She had taken that newfound hope and passion and went all-in.  She kissed Maggie.  A warm, beautiful, affirming kiss.  And Maggie rejected her.  Thanks but no thanks, Danvers.  And now all she felt was pain- one that she never even knew existed.  Everything was just so raw.  She felt physically ill.  Her heart and her brain and her body just… _ached._

She had tried to find a way to right the ship.  She had tried to walk away.  She intended to put some distance between herself and the detective so she could figure things out on her own and mend her broken heart.  Yep, a goddamn cliché. 

 

But once again- there was Maggie.  She had purposefully sought out Alex at her sister’s home to tell her how important she was and that she didn’t want to imagine a life without her.  What the _hell?_  Maggie looked sad and genuinely scared.  As if Alex’s own pain wasn’t enough, now she realized the detective was in pain too.  It was all just too much.  She couldn’t stand causing Maggie any amount of hurt.  And the truth is, she really could use a friend right now.  So she took a deep breath and resigned herself to try.  She would put on her big girl underpants and try to be a friend.  And _maybe_ Friend Maggie would be better than No Maggie.

 

 

 

**Chapter Two**

 

A huge sense of relief washed over the detective when she saw Alex walk in to the bar.  She wasn't entirely sure she would show, especially since this dark dive bar was where  _it_  had happened- The Kiss.  That surprising, brave, beautiful kiss.  Just remembering it flooded her with warmth.  This friend thing was not going to be easy.  But she had a plan…

 

"Hey Danvers, I'm so happy you're here."

 

"Yeah, well, I could use a drink, so..."

 

Maggie noticed the chilly tone from Alex and it's exactly what she'd expected.  She also noticed that Alex looked tired and a bit anxious, like she didn’t quite know what to do with herself.

 

"Tough day?"

 

"I haven’t really been sleeping well and it's starting to get to me.  You're buying, by the way."

 

"You got it.  You get the table racked up and I'll grab the first round."  Maggie flashed her dimpled smile and tried to be cheerful enough for the both of them.  She knew she was overcompensating but she really needed tonight to go well if there was any hope of salvaging their relationship.  

 

Alex seemed to loosen up a bit after her first beer and game of pool in which she beat Maggie without much effort.  She got back to her usual habit of teasing her about her poor pool skills and Maggie was more than happy to take the good-natured ribbing.  

 

After the third game, Maggie announced she needed a break from the “ass-whooping” she was receiving, and they retired to the nearest booth.  They nursed what was left of their second round of beers, and when the teasing mercifully stopped, she handed Alex a gift bag.  

 

Alex was taken aback.  "What's this?"

 

"Don't get too excited, it's nothing really, but it's something I thought you should have."  

 

Alex actually seemed a little insulted.  "Maggie, I'm already doing my best here.  You don't need to give me presents for me to be your friend." 

 

Now flustered and a bit panicky, Maggie burst out, "No no no, please don’t be mad...  I'm not trying to buy your friendship.  I swear!  That's not what I...  I was just hoping that I could be part of your support system... in coming out.  I was thinking it might be good if I show you the ropes… you know, in the gay community and in being um… gay.  I can take you places and kind of be your tour guide and help you get adjusted.  I don’t mean that to sound condescending.  I just figured we can have fun doing stuff together.  I just...  I want to help and I want you to feel safe and welcomed.  I don't want you to be scared.  Or sad.  God, I  _hate_  that you're sad.  And …please, just open the bag.  You'll see, it's silly, really."

 

Alex secretly thought Flustered Maggie was pretty adorable but still wasn't quite sure what to make of the gift.  After looking at Maggie suspiciously for several moments, she reluctantly opened the bag and looked inside.  She rolled her eyes and looked up with a wry grin.  " _The L Word_?  Seriously?"

 

Maggie chuckled at the incredulous expression on Alex's face.  "Yes,  _The L Word_.  All six seasons right there!  Every gay girl has to watch it at least once.  It's like a long, bad rite of passage and you need to suffer through it like the rest of us."

 

"Great.  Thanks.  I think."

 

Alex was smiling.  Maggie was giggling.  "You're welcome.  Enjoy it.  But don't think that's what all lesbians are like because, _wow_ … no.  But it's fun to watch in its own way.  We can rehash it together when you've started watching it.  For now though, I think you need to get home and get some sleep."

 

Alex nodded in agreement right in time with another yawn.  "Ok.  Thanks for the beers.  And hey, if I have to suffer through _The L Word_ , you have to practice your pool skills.  Let me know when you've improved enough to give me a run for my money."  With that, she got up to leave.

 

"Deal," Maggie said with a smile.  "Are you safe to drive home?  I‘d be happy to take you.”

 

“I’ll be fine.  Thanks, though.” 

 

“Sure.  G’night, Alex.  Sleep well.”  Maggie watched her walk out of the bar and she let out the breath she’d apparently been holding all night.  The night had gone pretty well.  Her hope was still alive…

 

Several days later Maggie received a text from Alex: " _OMG I hate Jenny Schechter!"_

 

That made her laugh out loud and she immediately texted back, _“Welcome to the club, Danvers! ;-)"_

 

 

 

**Chapter Three**

 

“Welcome to stop number one on the big gay tour!  Behold… the gay coffee shop,” Maggie announced excitedly as she opened the door for Alex. 

 

“What exactly is _gay coffee_ anyway?”  Alex said with a snarky grin.

 

“Oh my God, Danvers.  There’s no su…”  Maggie started.  Then she caught the look on Alex’s face.    “Oh ok, I get it.  Yeah, go ahead, play dumb.  But a place like this is the perfect way to dip your toe into gay waters.  Cool owners, nice people, and they make a mean vanilla latte.”

 

They placed their orders and Alex looked around while they waited.  This place didn’t seem too different from any other coffee shop.  She remarked upon that as they found a table in the corner.

 

Maggie tried to explain, “The thing is, this community is pretty much the same as any other.  There are people from all walks of life.  But we all share something that brings us together.  Most of us struggled with figuring ourselves out, with feeling accepted, with feeling safe in the world on a daily basis.  So finding this community can be powerful.  To me, it just feels good to be here sometimes- in a place where we’re all accepted without question.  We’re all welcome.  I don’t know- it just feels… nice.”  Maggie shrugged.

 

“You getting soft on me, Sawyer?”

 

“Oh hell no!  Come on.”

 

Alex looked at Maggie skeptically.  

 

“Ok fine, maybe a _little_.  I’m not merely a shit-talking detective who’s crap at pool, you know.  I’m actually a highly complex individual.”

 

Alex wasn’t sure if Maggie was being serious or not.  She dug a little deeper.  “Do tell, Sawyer.”

 

“You’ll just have to get to know me better to find out all of my complexities.  It’s no fun to just give them all away.  Peel the onion, Danvers.”

 

Alex did get to know her a little better that day.  They talked a lot.  Maggie told her more about her childhood and what it was like growing up as non-white and gay in the heart of the Midwest.  Turns out, Maggie had figured out she was gay when was she was in her early teens.  And like Alex, she could look back and pinpoint clues along the way of her childhood.  They had some of those things in common, too.  They both had had innocent girl crushes on a cute teacher, both had extremely intense friendships that didn’t last, and both were _really good_ at softball in high school.  “Sometimes stereotypes are there for a reason,” Maggie joked at that last one. 

 

For the first time in a long while, Alex felt relaxed.  She was having fun.  She was putting the puzzle pieces of her life together and it felt really good to be able to share that with someone who understood.  She also really enjoyed Maggie’s company.  There was such a warm side to her that she doubted many people got to see.  And she felt honored that Maggie was sharing that with her.  She’d seen glimpses of it once in a while but today was different.  There was no work talk, no aliens, no criminals.  Here in their cozy community coffee shop, it was just about them. 

 

 

 

**Chapter Four**

 

Maggie was delighted to get a text from Alex the next week:  _You free for some gay coffee after work Friday? ;-)_

_Unfortunately I have an appointment then but you available Sunday morning?_

_Another stop on the tour?_

_Yep!  Meet me for coffee and we’ll go from there…  10:00?_

_Sounds good.  See you then._

_========_

Alex couldn’t help but smile when she spotted Maggie through the coffee shop window on Sunday morning.  She looked a little sleepy and like she hadn’t been out of bed for very long.  She scolded herself mentally after her mind immediately began imagining Maggie in bed.  She had been trying hard to put her attraction on the back burner… but it sure as hell wasn’t easy- especially since Maggie simply oozed sexiness without even trying.  God, this woman.

 

The agent took a deep breath and admonished herself before going in.  _Get yourself together, Danvers. She’s just your friend._

 

“Good morning, sleepy head,” she said as she approached Maggie.

 

“Hey, Danvers.  Yeah, _sleepy head_ is right.  Sorry if I look like something the cat dragged in.  I’m not exactly a morning person and I definitely stayed up too late last night.”

 

“Oh.  Uh, ‘nother hot date?”  _Please say no.  Please say no.  Please say no._

 

“No.  Just got caught up in a Netflix binge.  _Orange is the New Black_.  I highly recommend it when you finish with _The L Word_ , by the way.” 

 

Alex sent up a silent thank you to the gods then held up the extra drink that was on the table. “Noted.  This for me?” 

 

“Yep.  I was in desperate need of caffeine this morning so I just went ahead and ordered.  Hope it’s ok I got you the same thing as last time?”

 

“It’s perfect, thanks.”  Alex sat down across from Maggie and settled in.  She surveyed her surroundings a bit and noticed the other people there.  Some were reading, some were on their phones or laptops, some were talking.  There were two young women holding hands at a table in the back and they seemed oblivious to everyone around them.  They looked sweet together- so in love.  It made Alex feel a sense of hope and something else she couldn’t really put her finger on.  It was almost a cozy feeling, a warmth.  But very quickly she started to imagine herself and Maggie in that situation.  So obviously in love and happy, holding hands, and simply being together.  God, she wanted that so badly.  Sadness was seeping in again because she knew it wasn’t going to happen.  She tried to snap herself out of it.  “So, what’s on today’s mysterious gay agenda?”

 

“Well, after I chug this coffee and get a refill to go, I thought we’d walk over to a lesbian-owned bookstore that’s not far from here.  They carry all kinds of stuff really, but the owners are a lesbian couple and they kind of cater to the LGBT crowd.  Do you like to read?”

 

“Yeah, I do.  I don’t read as much as I’d like to, but sometimes a good book on a bad day is my drug of choice.”

 

“Oh yeah?  What’s your flavor?  Fiction?  Non-fiction?  Wait, you’re a nerd- so I bet it’s sci-fi or books about bugs or something, huh?”

 

Alex playfully swatted Maggie’s hand.  “No, you ass hat, I don’t read books about bugs.  Sci-fi, yes, on occasion.  I like a bit of everything, actually.  Memoirs, fiction, some of the classics.  How about you?“

 

“I read whatever happens to catch my attention.  I’ll hear about a good book or see mention of one on TV or something.  Or I just browse the store.  I do read a lot of true crime though.“  Maggie’s eyes suddenly widened.  “Oh shit, maybe my ex was right- maybe I _am_ sociopathic.”  She said it with a wink but Alex could tell there was a layer of hurt underneath.  Her ex had really done a number on her. 

 

“If I’m not mistaken, she said you were _borderline_ sociopathic.  And the jury’s still out on that,” Alex joked and tipped her cup toward Maggie.

 

“Well like I said… get to know me.”

 

“I’m working on it, Sawyer.”

 

Maggie drained the last of her coffee and then went for a refill.  She came back moments later.  “You ready to head out?”

 

“Yep, let’s do this.”

 

========

 

It didn’t take them long to walk to the bookstore.  When they arrived Maggie took her tour guide role seriously.

 

“Ok, Danvers, toward the front here you’ll find all sorts of gay pride related paraphernalia.  Bumper stickers, buttons, t-shirts, hats, magnets, jewelry.  All sorts of stuff.  If you want to be out and proud, this is a great place to start.  Then over along that wall is sort of a community bulletin board.  There are business cards and pamphlets and notices for support groups, therapists, gay-owned businesses, upcoming events, sports teams and all kinds of groups looking for new members, etc.” 

 

Alex was doing her best to look around and keep up with Maggie as she was now leading them toward one side of the store.  Maggie glanced back and noticed that Alex looked a little… befuddled… like she had just landed in a foreign country and didn’t speak the language.  She stopped and put a warm hand on Alex’s arm.  Then she quickly pulled it away, reminding herself that she wasn’t supposed to be touching Alex.  She had to maintain some kind of distance if this _friend_ this was going to work out. 

 

“I’m going too fast, aren’t I?  I’m sorry.”  She smiled sweetly and there were the dimples.  “I just figured I would give you the lay of the land and then we can hang out here for a while and you can take your time browsing through however you want.  Is that cool?”

 

Alex snapped out of her reverie.  “Oh yeah.  Cool.  Sounds good.”

 

“Ok, onward then.”  She led them toward the back of the store.  “These aisles back here are where you’ll find most of the lesbian-related books although there’s a lot of gay men stuff mixed in too.”  Maggie pointed to the top shelf.  “Up there is mostly stuff about actually _being_ gay.  Self-discovery, coming out, gay and lesbian culture, that sort of thing.  Down here is mostly lesbian and gay history.  Anything from the modern gay rights movement, Stonewall, Harvey Milk, to homosexuality in ancient times.  Then here you have relationship stuff.  Kinda like the lesbian relationship help section.  Over here… uh…” 

 

Suddenly Maggie stammered and quickly did an about-face toward the other side of the aisle.  She kept talking but Alex had lost track of what she was saying.  She wondered why Maggie seemed spooked and had breezed past one of the sections without mentioning it.  She looked over and immediately understood.  Sex.  Of course.  _The big ol’ lesbian sex section.  God help me._

After several long beats Maggie’s voice started to tune in again.  “…Kallmaker, Georgia Beers, Radclyffe, Gerri Hill.  They’re all pretty good.  I have several of these at home and I’d be happy to lend you some.”  Then Maggie abruptly stopped, squared up with Alex and looked her straight in the eye with the biggest tough-girl posture she could muster.  “Before you say anything, Danvers, and I’m sure you’ve got plenty to say on the matter--  _Yes_ , I read trashy romance novels.  _Yes,_ it’s a guilty pleasure of mine.  But I swear to God, if you tell _anyone_ about this, I _will_ feed you to the aliens.” 

 

Alex’s head was spinning.  She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  Her mind was still stuck on the big shelf of lesbian sex books and before she could even begin to process _that_ quandary, Maggie was recommending trashy lesbian romance novels to her.  _What the actual fuck?_

After several moments of Alex staring at her as though she was in a trance, Maggie asked, “You alright, Danvers?  You look a little flushed.  You haven’t said anything in a while.  Shit, are you bored?  Do you hate this place, because we don’t have to sta…”

 

“No, no!  It’s fine,” Alex interrupted.  “I’m fine.  I like it here.  All good.  Yeah.  It’s uh, just a lot to take in.  I never knew there were so many books… and stuff.  It’ll take me a while to look at everything.” 

 

========

 

After browsing the store on their own for about an hour, they were ready to check out.  Maggie bought a true crime book and a romance novel.  She cast a stern look in Alex’s direction when the cashier rang up that one.  Alex just smiled with raised eyebrows and held up two of her own romance novels for Maggie to see.  It was a, _your secret is obviously safe with me_ gesture.  Alex had bought a non-fiction book on coming out later in life and two novels in which the main characters meet another woman who forces them to confront their sexualities.  _I guess I’m not the only one,_ Alex thought to herself.

 

“Got time for lunch, Danvers?”

 

“Actually, I’m meeting Kara in about an hour so I’ll have to take a rain check.” 

 

They stood outside the bookstore now holding their bags, neither one willing to be the one to say goodbye first.  After a bit of what felt like awkward silence to Alex, she started, “Hey, I really want to thank you for all of this.  I never knew these places and this kind of stuff even existed.  It does help me feel a little better about everything.  And I really do appreciate having you in my life, especially now…  so, uh, thanks.”

 

Maggie listened and gave Alex a beautiful, warm smile.  “You’re welcome, Danvers.  And hey, I told you- I’m here for you.  Always.”

 

The smile and the sincerity made Alex melt.  “Can I uh, and I don’t mean to cross a line here or be an awkward goober, but can I just… give you a hug… as a friend?”

 

“Oh my God, of course you can.  Bring it in here.”

 

They hugged for longer than most friends do, both feeling the mixed emotions of feeling so wonderfully close to eachother yet aching for so much more.  When they broke apart, Alex said a quick, “I’ll see ya. Then they went their separate ways.

 

 

 

**Chapter Five**

 

A couple of weeks went by with the pair only seeing each other in passing at a crime scene and exchanging a few texts.  They both were doing their best not to reach out to the other too often.  It was hard to spend time together without their repressed romantic feelings coming to the surface.  Unfortunately, it was also hard _not_ to spend time together because they both desperately wanted to.  It seems they both had settled on going through their days with a dull ache.

 

The detective had been up to her eyeballs with work and needed to let off some steam.  She thought the two weeks since they last hung out was enough of a buffer, so it would be safe to spend some time with Alex.  She sent her a text.  _Danvers, I could use a drink soon.  You with me?_

 

_Hell yes!  OMG so fried.  Should be done here in about an hour._

 

_Sadly it’ll have to wait til tomorrow.  Appointment tonight.  Can I pick you up at 8:00 tomorrow?  New place.  Stop #3._

 

_Oh boy.  Let me guess- gay bar?_

 

_Nailed it!  It’ll be fun.  Very chill._

 

_Nervous.  Go easy on me?  See you at 8._

 

_Don’t worry.  I’ll protect you.  Just drinks, no pressure._

 

A couple of things ran through Alex’s mind as she put down her phone.  First, the gay bar…  she figured one would be on the agenda sooner or later.  She only hoped tomorrow she wouldn’t be expected to dance or chat up other women.  She wasn’t ready.  She couldn’t imagine trying to be with another woman right now.  Her feelings for Maggie were still too strong- and they didn’t seem to be dissipating… which brought her train of thought to the other thing that was niggling at her- this was the second time Maggie had mentioned having an “appointment”.  She didn’t know what kind of appointments they were and Maggie didn’t elaborate.  It was none of her business she supposed, but she couldn’t help but wonder if “appointment” was a code word for _date_.  As much as she wasn’t ready to date other women, she wasn’t ready for Maggie to do so either.

 

========

 

The bar was very chill, just as Maggie had promised.  There was a nice, long bar, a small dance floor toward the back, and several small, miss-matched tables throughout.  Alex noticed the posters announcing karaoke every Wednesday and live music on the Friday nights.  She was glad tonight was a decent DJ who was playing a nice variety of music.  It was loud enough for people to dance to, but not so loud that people couldn’t carry on a conversation without shouting.  She also noticed that tonight happened to be ladies night.  _Oy boy._

 

Alex bought the first round of drinks and they settled in to one of the tables in the middle.  They both looked around at the crowd.  Once again Alex thought it pretty much seemed like any other bar except there were far more women and there weren’t any men trying to hit on them.

 

“So, what d’ya think, Danvers?”

 

“About what?”

 

“This place.  The crowd.  See anyone you like?”  Maggie could feel that the last question seemed forced, but she was determined to be a good friend, even if that meant being Alex’s wingman.  Deep down, she prayed it wouldn’t come to that.

 

“Sawyer, I literally just came out.  And you know how well that went.  I’m not really looking to hook up with anyone right now.  I’m still trying to get my bearings here and feel comfortable in my own skin.”

 

“Fair enough.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to be insensitive.”

 

“No, it’s just… you’re fine.  I’m just not ready.”  After a moment, Alex thought she’d better lighten the mood.  “Besides, how am I supposed to have time to date if all I do is work, ready trashy novels and watch _The L Word_?” 

 

“Ha, good point.”

 

They watched people dance while they talked and drank their beers.  After a while Maggie excused herself to use the ladies room.  As soon as she left, a young blonde woman approached Alex.  “Hi, I’m Sarah.  I was just wondering if you’d like to dance.  I mean, if the woman you’re with isn’t your girlfriend or something.”

 

“Oh, hey.  I’m Danvers… uh Alex.  She’s not… we’re not, like, together.  But um, I’m not much of a dancer, really.  That’s nice of you to ask.  Thank you.  I’m sor…”

 

“Hey hey, no worries.  Just putting it out there.  It was nice to meet you, Alex.  Have fun tonight.”

 

“Yeah, you too.  Thanks,” Alex said to the woman’s retreating back.

 

Her heart was absolutely pounding.  The woman was surely attractive and Alex felt kind of flattered but mostly she just felt so painfully awkward.  Combine that with the fact that her mind and heart were still 100% occupied with her beautiful detective friend, and there simply wasn’t any desire to dance with the other woman. 

 

Minutes later Maggie returned.  “You ready for ano… whoa, Alex, you ok?  You’re white as a ghost.”

 

“Yeah, no, a, a girl… woman, came to ask me to dance.  I told her no.  I got spooked and basically reacted like an awkward pubescent teen.”  Alex sighed and put her head in her hands.

 

“A girl woman?  Was she legal?”  Maggie joked.  “Where is she… or did you send her off crying?” 

 

“Don’t you dare look right now, but she’s the one at the end of the bar on the left.  The blonde.”

 

After a few minutes Maggie subtly started turned to look. “Wow, she’s cute, Danvers.  Way to go!  Congrats on your first pull!”

 

“Yeah, lucky me.”

 

Maggie chuckled and asked Alex if she would be alright alone for a couple of minutes while she went to get another round.  Alex took a deep breath and nodded.  She figured another beer might do well to calm her nerves.

 

Alex watched Maggie walk up to the bar.  She noticed a woman looking appreciatively at the detective as she approached.  Soon the two were talking while Maggie waited on their drinks.  The other woman was obviously flirting.  Part of Alex had that lame third wheel feeling- just as she had when Maggie’s girlfriend had sauntered up and kissed her.  Another part of her wanted to go smack the shit out of that other woman.  Still, another part of her felt gutted.  She knew it was only a matter of time before Maggie would start dating again, if she hadn’t already.  That thought made her stomach turn.

 

Maggie returned with their beers and they got back to talking.   Not long after, an employee brought two more.  “Compliments of that table full of ladies in the back,” she said and immediately went back to work.  They both looked over and several women smiled and held up their own drinks as a silent “cheers”.  Maggie did the same and Alex held up a shy wave.

 

“Jeez, Danvers, looks like you could have the run of the place here.”

 

“Oh yeah, right.  I’m sure they were more interested in you.  You’re…”

 

“Oh come on, Alex.  Do you not even realize how fucking hot you are?”  The second she said it, she wished she hadn’t.  It just slipped out.  She needed to be more careful.  It just amazed her that someone as wonderful and beautiful as Alex didn’t even understand her own appeal. 

 

Alex blushed even though she figured Maggie was just being nice.  After all, the detective had already shot down her advances. 

 

_Maybe this was a bad idea_ Maggie thought.  It was supposed to be a night of stress relief and just two friends having a few beers.  Instead, Alex seemed uncomfortable and Maggie felt a little sad, and honestly, she felt a little jealous.  She’d noticed several women who seemed to be checking out Alex and obviously some of them had even made attempts at contact.  Thankfully, she hadn’t taken the bait.  Maggie figured she was doing a good enough job of faking enthusiasm for Alex’s ability to attract women, but inside it was killing her.  She knew the other woman needed to experience some of this.  Being out, dating, other stuff even, but it was sure as hell hard to watch.

 

The air at their table suddenly felt thick.  Neither of them was having much fun.  Alex finally asked, “Hey, you mind if we take off?  I’m actually way more tired than I thought and I’ve got an early morning.”

 

The drive home was fairly quiet.  When they arrived at Alex’s home Maggie started, “Okay Danvers, I’m delivering you home safe and sound, as promised.  Did you at least have a little fun tonight?  You seem kinda quiet and like there might be something wrong.”

 

Alex let out a deep breath.  “I’m fine, really.  But I’m tired and tonight was a little overwhelming with… everything.  I guess my heart’s just not in it yet- you know, picking up woman and stuff.  I never really went after men like that so I don’t even know what I’m doing under the best of circumstances.  I’ve had no real practice.  I don’t mean to be slow or lame or whatever, I just… I’m not ready.  But it was good to hang with you.  I always have fun when we’re together, so…”

 

“You take your time, Alex.  Do what’s right for you.  I’m just trying to show you your options.  I promise I would never pressure you in to doing things you’re uncomfortable with.  So how about next time, we just hit the alien bar and shoot some pool, eh?”

 

Alex smiled and joked, “That sounds good.  I could use the money.”  With that she closed the car door behind her and headed for her front door.  Maggie waited until she was safely inside before leaving.

 

 

**Chapter Six**

 

After the minor debacle at the gay bar, both women felt it was better to give each other (and themselves) a little space.  They both had realized that their feelings for the other were still too strong and thought some time apart was warranted.  They still exchanged the occasional text and worked together on a case but they hadn’t spent time together outside of that for well over a month.  Alex kept busy with quiet nights at home working her way through _The L Word_ and reading (she had gone back to the bookstore to buy more books) and even made a couple of visits to the coffee shop.  Maggie continued to _work on her own shit_ as she called it.

 

Finally, after seeing someone on the street that she thought was Alex from behind, and feeling disappointed when she realized it wasn’t actually her, Maggie reached out via text.  _Danvers, how are you?  Saw your doppelganger today._

_Oh yeah?  I have an imposter?!  Been good.  You?_

_Busy, but good.  Hey- you like to run?_

_I wouldn’t say LIKE to but I do it to keep my ass in shape.  Why?_

It took Maggie a second to compose herself after thinking about just how in shape Alex’s ass actually was.  _Supposed to be beautiful weekend and wondered if you want to go for run w/me?_

_I’m a slow runner.  Don’t judge me?_

_I’m a judgment free zone.  Saturday noon work for you?_

_Sure.  Where?_

_You know Victory Park pavilion?_

_Heard of it.  I’ll find it.  See you there @noon Sat._

_========_

Maggie was right, it was a beautiful day.  Alex savored the feeling of the sun warming her skin.  She hadn’t been getting outside much lately besides for work.  Her sister was starting to worry that she might be depressed.  Truth was, she _felt_ depressed.  She missed Maggie.  That ever-present, stupid, dull ache would not let up.  She didn’t feel like going out or being social.  And God knows she hadn’t been working out as much as usual.  She hoped this dose of sun, exercise, and Maggie would do her some good.

 

When she spotted the detective trotting up toward her in running tights and a tank top, that dull ache turned to acute arousal.  The woman was a work of art.  A walking, talking masterpiece.  _Jesus H. Christ._

 

“Hey Danvers, how are you?”

 

“I’m good.  And you were right, it’s gorgeous out today.”

 

“Yeah, I figured we should take advantage of it.  You ready to hit the pavement?”

 

“Ready as I’ll ever be.  How far we going?”

 

“There’s a nice four mile loop if that’s cool…?”

 

“Perfect.  Lead on, Macduff.”

 

They started slowly, warming up to a comfortable pace for both of them.  The park was beautiful with a variety of trees, flowers and grasses.  There was a pond with several ducks and dozens of birds flying about.  The park was full of people- walking, running, biking, and some simply soaking up the afternoon sun.  There was a wonderful energy that helped lift both women’s spirits.

 

As they ran, they talked about trivial stuff, catching up on their days since they last hung out, and Maggie explained that this park is where the annual pride festival is held every year and it’s known for having a large number of LGBT visitors.  “Ah, that’s why you chose this park,” she said.

 

“Another stop on the tour, yes.  But don’t you agree it’s gorgeous here, gay or not?”

 

“It is.  Very nice.  Thanks for bringing me here.”

 

“Sure.  When we’re done you want to grab something to drink at the pavilion?  My treat.”

 

“Yeah, sounds good.  I didn’t bring water so I’m parched.”

 

========

 

They settled at a little table under a shade umbrella, each with a large glass of iced tea.  “So how have you been, Danvers, really… since coming out?  You doing ok?”

 

Alex thought before she answered, not sure how much she wanted to get into this with Maggie.  “I mean, I’m ok I guess.  I’ve been doing my homework.”  She winked, slyly referencing the videos and books Maggie had turned her on to.  “My sister has been great, but…”

 

“But?”

 

“But I do still feel a little out of sorts, you know?  Finally all of the pieces of my puzzle fit but I still don’t feel whole.  I never liked dating men and now that I’ve figured out I’m gay, I feel like I should be excited to date women.  But I’m not.  I don’t have any real interest in meeting anyone or going out.  But, at the same time, I do notice women more… their looks, their bodies, their hair, their mannerisms, all of the subtleties that make them so incredibly wonderful.  I feel like a perv.  But I wouldn’t even know what to do with one if I did go on a date.”  Alex left out the part about how the main reason she didn’t want to date other women is because she didn’t want to date anyone but _her_.

 

“Ok, first off, you’re not a perv.  Appreciating a woman’s beauty doesn’t make you a creeper.  I mean, unless you’re straight up leering at them or getting handsy.”  The dimples gave away the fact the Maggie knew Alex would do no such thing.  “Secondly, there’s no right or wrong way to feel after you come out.  There’s no law that says you need to start banging all the available women in National City.  Take your time, get your bearings, learn to feel comfortable with yourself and appreciate how you yourself are an incredibly wonderful woman.  And if you find someone you want to date, then date her.  If not, who cares?  You do you, Danvers.  There’s no pressure, no timetable.”

 

“I get that… in theory, at least.  It’s still hard though.  I don’t really know anyone else… like us, I mean.  I feel a bit isolated.”

 

“Danvers, there are plenty of gay people around you, trust me.”

 

“Of course I know that… but I don’t have any other close friends like that, except you.  My sister is awesome, but there’s only so much she can understand.”

 

“I hear that… and I’m here whenever you want to talk or hang out, ok?  I got your back.  I meant what I said about you being important to me, ok?”

 

 

 

**Chapter Seven**

 

Only two days had passed before Alex got a call from Maggie.  “Danvers, I need you.”

 

“Are you in trouble?  Where are you?  I’ll get Supergir…”

 

“No no, no, wait!” Maggie interjected.  “I’m totally fine.  Everything’s fine!  Sorry… didn’t mean to freak you out.”

 

Alex let out a panicked breath.  “Jesus, Maggie.  You scared the shit out of me.”

 

“I’m really sorry.  I just need you in a non-life-threatening way.  I need your old softball skills, no matter how rusty you think you are.”

 

“What the hell?”  Alex’s heart rate was just starting to slow down.

 

“My friend Beth called and her team is in desperate need of subs tonight.  They’re shorthanded and they’ll have to forfeit if they can’t find a couple of players.  I’m hoping you’ll join me.  And there are some really cool chicks on this team, some straight, some gay.  I figured it would be a nice way for you to meet some… people… since you said you were feeling a little isolated the other day.”

 

As much as Alex didn’t really _like_ the thought of meeting a bunch of strangers, she did think it would be good for her.  She reluctantly agreed, with the strict understanding that her softball skills are in fact, “rusty”, and Maggie wasn’t allowed to tease her about them.

 

========

 

Despite Alex not playing softball since high school, she actually did pretty well.  She made one minor error at second base but she did get two hits which helped the team win a close game.  Maggie was thrilled.  Alex looked relaxed and happy (and goddamn sexy in her sporty outfit and ball cap).  Both women agreed to head to the local watering hole after the game for a couple beers.

 

At the bar, Maggie was seated on the left side of Alex and a cute little blonde named Sadie was seated to her right.  The detective thought the blonde was actually seated a little too _close_ to Alex, but it wasn’t her place to say anything.  Everyone was in good spirits and chatting after placing their orders.  Maggie talked with several others but was also keeping an eye on Alex to make sure she was comfortable and having fun. 

 

Alex was, in fact, having a lot of fun.  Sadie was engaging and smart and made her laugh out loud on several occasions.  It didn’t occur to Alex that she was being hit on until the other woman commented on how beautiful her eyes were.  It finally clicked.  _Oh.  Oh, this is happening._   Now in unfamiliar territory and a little panicky, she asked Maggie to join her in the bathroom. 

 

“What’s up, Danvers?”

 

“I um, think that girl next to me, Sadie… I think she like, _like_ likes me.  But I don’t know for sure.”

 

“Like like really, Danvers?”  Maggie mocked in jest.  “Of course she does.  She’s practically sitting in your lap and has been making googly eyes at you since we got here.”  She knew that was a bit of an exaggeration, but frankly, she was a little annoyed… _or was it jealous_ , she wondered…

 

“What do I do?  I don’t… I’ve never… well I did _one_ time… with _you_ … and I was wrong, and that…”  That reference hit them both like a punch in the gut.  Ouch.  And now Alex seemed to be coming unglued.

 

“Breathe, Danvers.  Breathe.  You’re ok.  Look, are you interested in her?”

 

“Maybe.  I don’t know.  She’s cool, I guess.  And kinda cute.”

 

Maggie put both hands on Alex’s shoulders and looked her in the eyes.  She was trying to be both direct and calming at the same time.  She knew Alex had to put herself out there.  She needed to explore this whole new side of her sexuality.  She was like a teenager with her first ( _well, second_ ) crush.  “Well then ask her out.  Ask her out for coffee or drinks.  She’ll say yes, I promise.”

 

“I don’t know if…”

 

“Just go for it, Danvers.  You’re fucking fearless in every other part of your life.  This shouldn’t be any different.  It’ll be good for you.  And you could do a lot worse for your first date with a woman.”

 

As it happened, Alex didn’t need to muster up the courage to ask her out, because within two minutes of them returning to the table, Sadie did the asking for her.  They would meet on Saturday night for drinks.  Alex didn’t think she would sleep until then.

 

========

 

Maggie didn’t sleep either.  It was 3:00 in the morning on Sunday and she was wide awake.  _Dammit._   She knew she had brought this on herself.  She had pushed Alex away and then into the arms of another woman.  She was confident that she had done the right thing, though.  She wasn’t good for anyone, especially someone as fucking amazing as Alex Danvers.  She was working on that, on her ability to connect and sustain a healthy relationship.  But that wasn’t the only issue.  She couldn’t bear to be Alex’s first experience with a woman, only to be left alone when the _shininess_ wore off.  She had to see this through, even if it meant Alex met someone wonderful and she never got her chance.  Unfortunately, that confidence in her decision didn’t take away the pain.  It didn’t take away the jealously.  It didn’t take away her inability to sleep. 

 

At 10:00am she couldn’t stand the not knowing anymore.  She texted Alex, trying to sound casual, as if this wasn’t the most important question she’d ever asked anyone in her entire life.  _Good morning, sunshine!  How’d the date go?_

Aaaaand… nothing.  No response.  The wheels in Maggie’s head were going like crazy.  _Was she ok?_   _Was she still with Sadie?  Had they spent the night together?  Did they…?_ She couldn’t bear to finish that thought.  If she was being honest with herself, she didn’t even know what to wish for.  She didn’t want Alex to have suffered through a crap date, especially on her first one with a woman, but she didn’t want Alex to go ahead and fall for this chick either.  _This is so fucked up._  

Finally at 1:12 in the afternoon, _Hey Maggie!  Sorry I missed this earlier.  Brunch with Kara.  Date went well.  Going out again Thursday._

_Atta girl!  Care to share details on your first big date?_ Friends said things like that, right? 

 

_Can we talk later?  Coffee tomorrow after your shift?_

_Appointment.  How about Tuesday?_

_Perfect._ __

========

 

They were sat at their usual coffee shop at a table in the back.  Maggie didn’t waste any time.  “You seem happy, Danvers.  The date must have gone really well.”

 

“Honestly, I think I feel relieved more than anything.  After almost 30 years, I went on my first real date.  Well, one that mattered anyway.”

 

“Do you like her?  I mean, do you want to pursue something with her?”

 

“Yeah, I mean… I like her enough for a second date anyway.  She’s nice, smart, cute.  She’s an accountant.  We had drinks at a place called “Boom.”  It was fun.  We were there for about three hours before I got too sleepy to be entertaining anymore.  I’m so lame.”

 

“Sounds nice.  Was there a goodnight kiss?”  Maggie prayed she hadn’t overstepped there.  She knew the answer before Alex even said anything because an intense blush climbed up quickly from the agent’s neck to her forehead.

“Yes, there was.  It was… nice.”  And that was the end of that conversation.  “Can I ask you something, Maggie?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Are you seeing someone?  Because it’s ok.  You don’t have to hide it from me.”

 

“What?  No.  Why do you ask that?”

 

“Well, there’s been several times when you couldn’t meet with me because of _appointments_.  I just wondered if you were trying to spare my feelings or something.”

 

“Oh god… no.  I’m not seeing anyone.  I told you I wasn’t up for that after getting savagely dumped.  _Again_.  God this is embarrassing.  Do I really have to tell you what I’ve been doing?”

 

“Well no, of course not.  But is… everything ok?”

 

“Yeah I’m ok.  I just… Ok… promise this goes no further than this table and you can’t judge me for being soft.  I’m trusting you here.” 

 

“Of course.  I swear.”

 

“I’m in therapy.”

 

“What?  Why?  What’s going on?”  Alex was truly concerned. 

 

“Everything’s ok, I guess.  I just needed to work on my shit, you know?  I’m tired of getting dumped because I’m crap at relationships.  I needed to figure out what my fucking problem was with intimacy.  I want to be ready in case…”

 

“In case what?”

 

Maggie didn’t answer the question and that didn’t go unnoticed by Alex. “I think my therapist and I have kind of figured out that I’m a relationship tool because of my job, mostly.  I have to put on this constant hard ass persona and I can’t always trust people.  Plus, it’s really dangerous and I never know when I’m going to get hurt or… worse.  So I keep people at a distance.  I’m sure you know what that’s like.  We have to be careful with people, just to keep ourselves safe physically and emotionally.  Then add to that the long, unpredictable hours, and here I am… virtually un-datable.  She also thinks I simply may not have found the right woman yet so I haven’t been willing to actually invest in a relationship properly.  So there’s that.  The good news is, I’ve learned I’m not actually a sociopath… hell, I’m not crazy at all… just distant.”

 

 

 

**Chapter Eight**

The pair hadn’t spent any time together outside of work in over a month.  Alex continued to date Sadie as much as she could outside of work, spending time with Kara, and game nights with her friends.  She had been trying to get to know Sadie better and doing her best to feel comfortable dating another woman for the first time.

 

The detective was working a tough case and continued working on herself.  That included therapy, exercise, keeping a journal, trying to get a decent amount of sleep each night.  She actually did feel better about herself and better emotionally and physically.  The only thing missing now was Alex.

 

While doing paperwork at her desk, Maggie’s phone buzzed.  _Sawyer, I need to get sloppy drunk.  Pool tonight?  I might need you to hold my hair back._

_Wow, bad day?_

_You could say that.  Pick me up at 7:30?  No way I’m driving tonight._

_I’ll be there._

 

_========_

When they arrived at the bar, Alex immediately threw back a shot.  Then she ordered another, plus a beer to bring back to the pool table.  Maggie figured she’d better take it easy if she was to be the responsible one tonight, so she ordered a light beer. 

 

Alex racked up the table then slammed her other shot.  Maggie thought she should get to the bottom of the woman’s bad day before she got too inebriated to carry on a decent conversation.  “Alright, Danvers… out with it.  What happened?”

 

Alex straightened up and announced, “The fucking _shine_ wore off, that’s what happened.”

 

“Explain, please.”

 

“I broke it off with Sadie.”

 

“Oooh, Danvers, I’m sorry.  What happened?”  Admittedly, on the inside, Maggie was a more than a little happy about this new development.  She felt like a piece of shit and a bad friend for feeling that way, but she felt it nonetheless.

 

“I just realized that the chemistry wasn’t right, you know?  On paper, she’s perfect for me and I do like her, but… I don’t feel any more than that.  There’s no spark, no passion.  But what the fuck do I know?  Maybe I just gave up my shot at happiness.  I don’t exactly know what I’m doing here.” 

 

“Danvers, if you don’t feel it, you don’t feel it.  You can’t expect to hit the jackpot on the first try.  You’ll be ok.”

 

“Yeah maybe.  But I really wanted something big here.  I wanted some _one_ big.  Someone to like and who liked me back.  I was hoping to be able to get ov…”  She stopped mid-sentence and practically ran to the bar for another shot.

 

Maggie stood there stunned at the abrupt departure.  When Alex returned, Maggie went to her and took both her hands.  “Danvers, look at me.”  She waited until Alex stopped fidgeting and finally looked her in the eye.  “This is going to be okay, honey.  _You’re_ going to be ok.  This shit happens to the best of us.  But don’t give up hope.  Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to.  Ok?”  Maggie tucked a wayward strand of hair behind Alex’s ear as a lone tear fell down her cheek.  “Do we need to hug it out?”

 

That made Alex chuckle, despite herself, and wipe her eyes… then agree to a hug.  Once again, they held on longer than friends do.

 

========

 

Maggie realized just how drunk Alex was when she actually beat her at pool.   By the time the woman started to slur her words and become extra animated, the detective thought she’d better get Agent Danvers home and into bed or she’d be miserable the next day.

 

She poured Alex into her car, and within minutes, the woman had fallen asleep.  She seemed to go from zero to sixty and back to zero in short order tonight… several times.  Maggie was trying to keep up.

 

Fifteen minutes later they arrived at Alex’s apartment and Maggie was now trying to wake her up and get her moving toward the door.  “Help me out, Danvers.  We’ve got to get your cute little ass up to bed, and I need you to work with me here.”

 

“You wan’ my ass in bed?  Sounds fuuuuun, Sawyer.”  Alex was slurring like crazy now and it was getting worse by the second.  Maggie had to keep herself from laughing, despite the shot of arousal that also went along with Alex’s question. _Fuck yes she wanted her ass in bed._

 

“C’mon.  Up you go, Drunky McGoo.”

 

It took some time and considerable effort on Maggie’s part, but she finally maneuvered the other woman into her apartment and into the bathroom to brush her teeth.  She gently wiped the extra toothpaste that had slid down her chin and then managed to get her to wash her hands and rinse her face.  From there it was into the bedroom.  She sat the agent down on the bed while she looked for something for her to sleep in.  After finding a comfortable looking pair of shorts and a soft t-shirt, she began the process of undressing her.  Alex swayed sloppily on the bed while Maggie took off her shoes and socks.  When it was time for her shirt, Alex burst out,  “Wait, you’re take my clothes o…off.  Are we like, doing this ri’ now?  We’re gonna have um, sleeping together ri’ now?” 

 

_Oh, God._   “No, honey.  I’m getting you ready for bed so you can sleep.  I’ll be on your sofa for the night to make sure you’re okay.  We’re not having the sleeping together right now.”  Drunk Danvers was adorable.

 

“But I _waaanna_ have sleeping together… with you.  I like you so much, my Deteptive Saw… Sawlyer.  Prolly not now ‘cause I’m so drumk, but like soon I would like to have that.  Ok?  ‘Cause I like you so much.  And you like me too, I think.”

 

“I do like you very much.  Ok, honey?  But for now let’s get this shirt off so we can put on this super soft one, ok?  Come on, arms up.”

 

After what seemed like a very long struggle, Alex was finally changed and under the covers of her bed.  Maggie went to fetch a bottle of water, some ibuprofen, and a bucket.  She returned and set them up on her nightstand.  “Alex, honey…  I’m setting this stuff here for you ok?  In case you need it.  I’ll be right outside in the living room.  Will you holler if you need me?”

 

After no response, Maggie tried again.  “Alex, can you listen for just a sec before you fall asleep?  I’ll be right out there.  Yell if you need me.  Ok?”

 

“Yes, sneed you.  I need you so mu…much.”  And with that, she was out.  Maggie gently swept the hair out of her eyes and kissed her forehead goodnight.  She added just above a whisper, “I need you too, baby… more than you know.”

 

========

 

When Maggie woke up the next morning, she went in to check on Alex.  She looked surprising peaceful and decidedly snuggly.  She sat on the edge of the bed and gently tried to wake her.  “Danvers.  Wake up, sweetie.”  She softly touched her shoulder and tried again.  This time Alex blinked a few times and then looked at Maggie as she tried to focus.  “Good morning, sunshine,” Maggie said quietly.

 

“Hey what’s going on?  Why are you here?  Oh my head.  What did I do last night?”

 

“One question at a time there.   What’s going on is that you’re hung over.  I’m here because I stayed to make sure you didn’t puke your brains out all by yourself.  And what you did last night was pound shots and beer like it was your job.”

 

“Oh, right, that.  God, I suck at life.”

 

“Nah, you were just letting off a little steam.  No harm, no foul.”

 

“Yeah, well, I’m sorry you were stuck here.  Did you sleep?”

 

“Yeah I slept like a log on the couch.  I checked in on you a couple times and you were pretty dead to the world.  And you should probably just get back to sleep- it’s early.  I just wanted to see how you were before I take off.  You need anything before I go?”

 

“No I’ll be fine.  I’ll drink this water and take a couple of these pills and be back out in no time.  Thank you so much… for everything.  I really appreciate you letting me unload on you last night.”

 

“Anytime.”

 

 

 

**Chapter Nine**

 

After what will forever be known as, “Drunkfest 2016,” the two women actually began to spend more time together.  Something seemed to shift in their relationship.  They both really just enjoyed each other’s company and being apart, well… _sucked_.  It was too hard to stay away from each other and they’d both lost the will to do so.  So they did the things that friends do.  They went hiking and running, met for coffee, played pool, saw movies, and texted… a lot.  Sure, it was painful to say goodbye at the end of the day and those goodbyes tended to drag on an awful long time, but that was fine.  And sure, they might be more affectionate than most friends are, what with the playful touches and long hugs hello and goodbye, but that was fine, too.  They were friends.  It was all good. 

 

Except it wasn’t.

 

========

 

After about two months of this intense new friendship of sorts, they were sat together on Alex’s couch for a movie marathon.  Maggie had insisted that Alex see _Carol_ and _Imagine Me and You_ , and if they were still up for it after that, Alex could choose the next one.  Maggie knew Alex’s favorite movie was one from the 1980s- _National Lampoon’s Vacation_.  She’d bet any money that they’d be watching it tonight.

 

The movies were good and the pizza was good.  Of course the company was good.  But each woman was in her own private hell.  The ever-present _ache_ to be closer was at its boiling point for both women, especially now, huddled together under one blanket, in front of a warm fire, watching movies about women falling in love and living happily ever after. 

 

Alex needed a break, so when the second movie ended, she excused herself to the bathroom.  She washed her hands and splashed a little cold water on her face.  The pleasure and the pain of being so near Maggie was indescribable.  She didn’t know what to do.  She sure as hell would not stop spending time like this with Maggie, but just the same, she sure as hell couldn’t ask for more.  She’d done that and crashed and burned already.  The thing that was making her crazy though, was that she could _swear_ Maggie wanted her, too.  She was so thoughtful and sweet and affectionate in ways that made Alex _swoon_ for God’s sake.  She didn’t understand why they couldn’t just be together.  _Sigh._   She collected herself as best she could and headed back to the living room, not knowing that Maggie too, was ready to snap.

 

Sure enough, _National Lampoon’s Vacation_ was soon coming to life on the TV after Alex had refilled their glasses and checked to see if Maggie was still interested in a third movie.  Once again, they sat huddled together on the couch.  The detective delighted in watching Alex roar with laughter. 

 

After about an hour, however, Alex’s laughter seemed to die down and bit. Minutes later, her head came to a rest on Maggie’s shoulder.  She had fallen asleep.  Maggie thought Sleepy Alex was about the cutest thing she’d ever seen.  She knew though, that the unnatural position of Alex’s neck would kill her later, so she gently scooted over a bit and slid the other woman’s head into her lap.  She moved the blanket over to cover her.  Alex didn’t stir.  She let out a contented breath and seemed to settle in.

 

Maggie took the opportunity to study Alex for several minutes.  Her creamy skin, her long eye lashes, her sexy mouth.  Confident that Alex was sound asleep, she softly ran her fingers through her hair and whispered, “You’re so beautiful.  You’re my favorite person, you know?  And you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

 

Suddenly, Alex sat up and looked right at her.  She was practically panting.  “Maggie?”

 

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t…  Did I wake you?”  Maggie was terrified.  She knew there was no way out of this.

 

“Maggie, I need you to tell me something.”

 

The detective’s heart felt like it would beat out of her chest.  She _had_ to be busted.  There was no way Alex didn’t hear, or feel that.  This was it.  All of her patience and loneliness and jealously and _work_ she had done to prepare for this, and this constant _ache…_ It all came down to this.This was their moment.  She hoped like fucking hell it was the right one.  She straightened up and looked Alex in the eyes.

 

“Ask me anything.”

 

“When you told me you were going to therapy, you said working on your shit so you’d be ready _in case_ , and you never finished that sentence.  In case of _what_ , Maggie?  I need you to finish that sentence because I can’t be wrong about this again.”

 

Alex was dead serious.  And of-fucking-course she would have picked up on that tiny little detail.  The woman was remarkable, really.  It only made Maggie fall a little deeper…

 

“I wanted to be ready in case… I ever got to be with _you_.”  Her secret was out.  It felt like a huge relief yet she was still terrified.  Alex could tell her drop dead.

 

“You think I’m beautiful?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I’m your favorite person?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What was the other one?”

 

Maggie took Alex’s hand. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

 

“So to be clear, you really like me?  As more than a friend?  Becau…”

 

“Pipe down, Danvers.” 

 

And Maggie kissed her.  Months of pent-up emotions poured into that kiss.  It was _exquisite_. 

 

Reluctantly, Alex pulled away.  “Wait, Maggie.  Why now?  I need to understand this.”

 

“Well, aside from the fact that you just busted me whispering sweet nothings in your ear, I think we’re both ready.  I finally have my shit together and you finally seem happy and comfortable with your new normal.  We _had_ to wait, Danvers.  I couldn’t take the chance of screwing this up.  You’re way too important to me to do that.  I needed to figure out what my problem was.  I thought I was damaged and couldn’t carry on a healthy relationship.  And I was so afraid that if you jumped right in to a relationship with me, that my stupid _shininess_ would wear off and you’d get tired of me.  I couldn’t handle that.  I needed us both to be ready and sure if there was any hope of us making this work for the long haul.”

 

“God, I’ve wanted you so desperately, all this time.  We've known eachother for months now and the more I know you, the more I want to be with you. I am so ready for you, Maggie. I'm so ready for us."

 

They kissed again- long and slow and deep.  There were sparks.  They clicked.  There was… _chemistry_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
